This evening, I acquired a recording of Mahler's "Unfinished" 10th Symphony. I have only heard the 1st movement adagio of this piece and since I liked it enough, I thought I'd give the rest of the piece a go.
Actually, the adagio itself is quite stunning. It touches something inexplicable in me.
For the Mahler purists among you (which, if I know my readers, are none of you) his last official composition was this very adagio - scored and all. The second mvt. exists only in reduced score version and the remaining movements exist only in sketches. The second mvt and the remaining movements were scored accordingly by Deryke Cooke and it remains just as contraversial and as much of an enigma as the composition of Mozart's Requiem.
Here's is a link of Leonard Bernstein conducting what I presume is the Vienna Phil in a performance of part of the very adagio I speak of:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wyqg8XvdElQ&feature=related
Good stuff, if you ask me.
But since no one asked me, I'm going to bed.
P.S. Someday, I want to write a film score
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Even Bach was 3rd choice at the church that hired him
I don't know why but I'm finding myself severely affected by my lack of participation in North Park's Chrismas Concert. For reasons unclear to me, our orchestra director Tom Zelle has decided to scale back not only the amount of repertoire this year but also the scope of it as well. It's not for me to judge whether I agree with him and this really doesn't have anything to do with whether I agree with him or not.
The whole situation has escalated from there. Politics, money and anything else you can think of have played a decisive role in how the orchestra has turned out this year. Many faculty members have expressed their chagrin over the transpiration of these events but nothing really has been done.
My immediate reaction is to wonder why smaller works such as Stravinsky's "Octet" or "L'Histoire du Soldat", Milhaud's "Creation du Monde", Shostakovich's 15th Symphony could not be done. These works, especially in the case of either Stravinsky work do not require many players at all and it would make sense to showcase the best violinist, best oboist, best trumpeter etc. even if collectively you did not have the greatest orchestra in the world.
What has been chosen, however, are Bach pieces, which, besides being immeasurably difficult also utilize a full orchestral ensemble minus, pretty much any trombones, horns or tubas. It should be noted that much of the orchestra is made up of non-music majors who really are just getting a requirement in. Were it not for Zelle's newly enstated requirement that each performer in the orchestra submit a practice tape every two weeks, almost no one would practice. I know because last year I was in the group and could tell almost no one practiced.
This seems backwards to me. If enrollement is down, if you as a director cannot afford ringers, if the level of the orchestra does not permit large scale works to be performed, if you have about 5-10 players in the orchestra that outshine the rest, it's a no-brainer isn't it? Do smaller works that cater to those 5-10 players who are really good at what they do and can speak volumes not only about the material the school is turning out but goes to show what the conductor can do with an ensemble in adverse circumstances.
The orchestra for this year's Christmas concert is doing the Bach "Magnificat" which is...well...hard. The piccolo trumpet part alone makes most trumpet players, even the seasoned ones, wet themselves. And not to poke at the issue but here's the breakdown of the trumpet players we have to do this part: one is a non-music major, one has very little endurance, two are underclassmen - inexperienced. They do as good a job as they can but it's not suited for them. It's more of a thing to get through than a thing to learn from.
This just doesn't make sense to me. And as if to make compensation for not using whatever talents I possess, which due to this business I'm doubting more and more as the days go on, I was promised a whole 5 minutes...rather, the brass quintet in which I double the trombone part (so I don't even get my own part) was promised 5 minutes to provide Prelude music.
Maybe I'm whining. I probably am but last year at this time, I was promised that I would be participating in this year's Christmas concert. This promise came after I expressed the same frustration I feel now for no one finding a way for me to actively participate in last year's Christmas concert.
I heard from various people a few year's ago that I was talked up before I came here. The faculty couldn't wait to get their "hands on me". I heard this personally from Dr. Emrich and Dr. Lill who were, or made it seem, like it was the best thing that ever happened to them for me to enroll here. Dr. Lill even told my mom that I was the best trombone player he's heard in 18 years and Dr. Dilworth is quoted as saying, again to my mom, "I'm so glad Neil's at North Park."
Yeah...I bet you are.
In the time I've been here, I've so far been shafted in favor of arrogant, prissy violinists, lofty freshman flute players, acadmically robotic pianists, idealistic organists, and pretentious vocalists.
I don't know what contribution, if any I've made at this school and it's gotten to the point where I doubt what contributions I've made period to the world of music. They got me at North Park and as a result they have a screaming lead trombone player in jazz band, a wanna-be orchestral player in concert band, and a cronie for any little chores they happen to come up with - such as Finale files for gospel choir, trombone player for convocations.
I feel angry, I feel betrayed, I feel passionless and I feel worthless. What stings more is that even after I've voiced these concerns and feelings to members of this faculty, no one cares. Dr. Lill's comment to me was "you can survive one semester of not playing a Christmas concert." But Dr., first off, it's not just been a concert this semester that I haven't played, it's been every one this semester; and secondly, this isn't the first Christmas concert that I've been shelved for.
All I can think of are people who have succeeded in music, especially the ones who have been where I am now. People like my brother and sister who made such an impression when they were here that faculty members would come up to my parents and me whenever we came to hear them at concerts and sing their praises for what seemed like unending minutes. Faculty here still ask me about them and Zelle used to call me Nathan for a while (Nathan is my oldest brother's name).
I think of people like Meredith's friend Luke Varland who I've heard is supposed to be "the next Leonard Bernstein". He's probably being used to the extent that he deserves and people probably realize his vast propensity for music. When I think of people like him, I feel so inferior because they're the ones whose talent is being requested and mine isn't.
I can't help but think that these feelings and the extent of the whole situation has influenced my recent revulsion of the instrument that used to be such a joy to me. Whether it be by my own doing or the influence of the events around me, the whole affair has soured my relations with my private trombone instructor, caused my studies and consequently my grades to slump and lastly has contributed to my very present negative attitude as of late.
I have tried to rise above this but really don't see how I am able to. I do the best that I can with what work I am given, whether it be in class or in an ensemble but I still feel this nagging self-doubt that surfaces every time I think about or am involved with anything musical. I want to have a musical impact and right now, I just don't see that I'm impacting anyone for the better or inspiring anyone and I'm the kind of person who yearns to fill people with inspiration and enthusiasm for music just based on my own passion and zeal for my art.
Part of me wonders if I should be in music at all. I experience nothing but frustration and ill-confidence, whether it be from myself or my circumstances. It grieves me that I should be experiencing this now when for the past 20 years music has been all I was. It solaced me when I was alone, I enhanced my joy when I was happy, it increased my understanding for the world around me, it taught me love, to live, to persevere. Every great composer is an example of perseverance but lately I don't feel like persevering through anything.
I hope that the weeks over Christmas break as I spend time with those most dearest to me, I'll be able to evaluate myself and gain even more perspective but right now, I don't know what to do and I feel so inferior.
The whole situation has escalated from there. Politics, money and anything else you can think of have played a decisive role in how the orchestra has turned out this year. Many faculty members have expressed their chagrin over the transpiration of these events but nothing really has been done.
My immediate reaction is to wonder why smaller works such as Stravinsky's "Octet" or "L'Histoire du Soldat", Milhaud's "Creation du Monde", Shostakovich's 15th Symphony could not be done. These works, especially in the case of either Stravinsky work do not require many players at all and it would make sense to showcase the best violinist, best oboist, best trumpeter etc. even if collectively you did not have the greatest orchestra in the world.
What has been chosen, however, are Bach pieces, which, besides being immeasurably difficult also utilize a full orchestral ensemble minus, pretty much any trombones, horns or tubas. It should be noted that much of the orchestra is made up of non-music majors who really are just getting a requirement in. Were it not for Zelle's newly enstated requirement that each performer in the orchestra submit a practice tape every two weeks, almost no one would practice. I know because last year I was in the group and could tell almost no one practiced.
This seems backwards to me. If enrollement is down, if you as a director cannot afford ringers, if the level of the orchestra does not permit large scale works to be performed, if you have about 5-10 players in the orchestra that outshine the rest, it's a no-brainer isn't it? Do smaller works that cater to those 5-10 players who are really good at what they do and can speak volumes not only about the material the school is turning out but goes to show what the conductor can do with an ensemble in adverse circumstances.
The orchestra for this year's Christmas concert is doing the Bach "Magnificat" which is...well...hard. The piccolo trumpet part alone makes most trumpet players, even the seasoned ones, wet themselves. And not to poke at the issue but here's the breakdown of the trumpet players we have to do this part: one is a non-music major, one has very little endurance, two are underclassmen - inexperienced. They do as good a job as they can but it's not suited for them. It's more of a thing to get through than a thing to learn from.
This just doesn't make sense to me. And as if to make compensation for not using whatever talents I possess, which due to this business I'm doubting more and more as the days go on, I was promised a whole 5 minutes...rather, the brass quintet in which I double the trombone part (so I don't even get my own part) was promised 5 minutes to provide Prelude music.
Maybe I'm whining. I probably am but last year at this time, I was promised that I would be participating in this year's Christmas concert. This promise came after I expressed the same frustration I feel now for no one finding a way for me to actively participate in last year's Christmas concert.
I heard from various people a few year's ago that I was talked up before I came here. The faculty couldn't wait to get their "hands on me". I heard this personally from Dr. Emrich and Dr. Lill who were, or made it seem, like it was the best thing that ever happened to them for me to enroll here. Dr. Lill even told my mom that I was the best trombone player he's heard in 18 years and Dr. Dilworth is quoted as saying, again to my mom, "I'm so glad Neil's at North Park."
Yeah...I bet you are.
In the time I've been here, I've so far been shafted in favor of arrogant, prissy violinists, lofty freshman flute players, acadmically robotic pianists, idealistic organists, and pretentious vocalists.
I don't know what contribution, if any I've made at this school and it's gotten to the point where I doubt what contributions I've made period to the world of music. They got me at North Park and as a result they have a screaming lead trombone player in jazz band, a wanna-be orchestral player in concert band, and a cronie for any little chores they happen to come up with - such as Finale files for gospel choir, trombone player for convocations.
I feel angry, I feel betrayed, I feel passionless and I feel worthless. What stings more is that even after I've voiced these concerns and feelings to members of this faculty, no one cares. Dr. Lill's comment to me was "you can survive one semester of not playing a Christmas concert." But Dr., first off, it's not just been a concert this semester that I haven't played, it's been every one this semester; and secondly, this isn't the first Christmas concert that I've been shelved for.
All I can think of are people who have succeeded in music, especially the ones who have been where I am now. People like my brother and sister who made such an impression when they were here that faculty members would come up to my parents and me whenever we came to hear them at concerts and sing their praises for what seemed like unending minutes. Faculty here still ask me about them and Zelle used to call me Nathan for a while (Nathan is my oldest brother's name).
I think of people like Meredith's friend Luke Varland who I've heard is supposed to be "the next Leonard Bernstein". He's probably being used to the extent that he deserves and people probably realize his vast propensity for music. When I think of people like him, I feel so inferior because they're the ones whose talent is being requested and mine isn't.
I can't help but think that these feelings and the extent of the whole situation has influenced my recent revulsion of the instrument that used to be such a joy to me. Whether it be by my own doing or the influence of the events around me, the whole affair has soured my relations with my private trombone instructor, caused my studies and consequently my grades to slump and lastly has contributed to my very present negative attitude as of late.
I have tried to rise above this but really don't see how I am able to. I do the best that I can with what work I am given, whether it be in class or in an ensemble but I still feel this nagging self-doubt that surfaces every time I think about or am involved with anything musical. I want to have a musical impact and right now, I just don't see that I'm impacting anyone for the better or inspiring anyone and I'm the kind of person who yearns to fill people with inspiration and enthusiasm for music just based on my own passion and zeal for my art.
Part of me wonders if I should be in music at all. I experience nothing but frustration and ill-confidence, whether it be from myself or my circumstances. It grieves me that I should be experiencing this now when for the past 20 years music has been all I was. It solaced me when I was alone, I enhanced my joy when I was happy, it increased my understanding for the world around me, it taught me love, to live, to persevere. Every great composer is an example of perseverance but lately I don't feel like persevering through anything.
I hope that the weeks over Christmas break as I spend time with those most dearest to me, I'll be able to evaluate myself and gain even more perspective but right now, I don't know what to do and I feel so inferior.
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